In Uncertain Times
Today, my team and I rolled out a new secure keyless entry door system with 72 elder residents. Most of them were comfortable with social media, used cellphones, tapped to pay with credit cards. They were ready to accept a change that could mean less hassle once you got over the newness. But a few, living in the Land of the Very Old, simply resisted. One told me, "Sami, I just don't like change!" What I felt like saying: "No sh*t, Shirley!" but what I actually said: "No one does, Shirley, no one does" and I smiled so she knew I meant it.
True, hardly anyone likes change. We would all prefer to have zero upheavals, nothing new to accept or contend with, for status quo to be status: now. But that's not how the world works. Nothing is certain but uncertainty itself. So, what do we do when we feel like we're sitting in a swirling soup of sheer shiftyness? We hunker down, we dig in heels, we become immobile to try to resist it. Change means seismic activity rocking our bedrocks and who wouldn't resist that? Change is stressful and causes anxiety, but that doesn't mean change is all bad. In this case, Shirley would soon be able to unlock doors without fumbling for a cold metal key and it took hardly any effort to place a small plastic fob in front of the lock and "Open Says Me!" What could possibly be the harm? Maybe she was just going along with the small group who stood, arms akimbo and faces stony. Maybe she was truly afraid that she would be unable to get in to the building some cold icy afternoon.
According to an article on the Calm app, there are eight ways to deal with uncertainty. (1) We start by acknowledging our feelings because it is completely normal and human to feel nervous or worried. (2) Next, we can focus our thoughts and energies on the things we can control. (3) Then, we might take a moment to consider the things around us that are working, that make our lives stable and calm. (4) We can pace ourselves and set goals for the small steps we take. (5) We may take stock and assure ourselves that negative thoughts aren't productive. (6) We can use the experience to connect with others or let our minds go to more pleasant thoughts. (7) Next, we might reach for something that makes us feel calmer or more relaxed. (8) Finally, we can reach out to others to seek support.
In Shirley's case, she could divulge that she's anxious about doing something that was most certainly not her idea! She might realize that she is holding in her hand a simpler way that she hadn't considered. Next, she could realize that her living situation is safe and supportive and she is not alone. Shirley might do like other residents and test the system a few times to make sure she got the hang of it. She could tell herself that this change was certainly coming and that resisting it wouldn't change a thing. She might use the time to talk to a neighbor, not just to commiserate but to seek camaraderie. Shirley could put aside the fob, make a cup of tea and think more closely about it. Lastly, she might ask a neighbor to be on alert in case she couldn't get the new fob to work for her.
Aside from new systems, unexpected obstacles and unplanned developments, life itself is nothing but uncertainty. Jobs change, families change, locations change, political systems change. The first thing to remember is that in times of uncertainty, we do have a choice. The choice remains within us to choose a reaction that gives us calm, helps us build resilience, and doesn't derail us from the real work.
Right now, the world seems about as uncertain as it could possibly be. So many people are fearful, anxious, and may feel very alone. I feel all those things even though I also feel fortunate and mostly safe. So, I reassure myself that it is normal to feel this way, I look to ways that I can stay active, I appreciate all that is going well, and I think about the things that I can do to help myself and others in the looming future. Then, I can acknowledge that staying positive is the only way to be resilient, soothe myself with things that bring calm, and connect with others not for commiseration but for camaraderie. Surely, Shirley, that's the key!
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