To all the Bean Dads

Photo: tin can and can opener can't wait to get together

    There was a time in our not-too-distant pasts when getting "in the news" meant that you did something great or noteworthy. These days, the most inconsequential or odd thing can make you famous overnight as video clips, moments of bad behavior and examples of human frailty spread over social media like a.. well, virus.

    This week's 15 minutes of fame goes to Bean Dad (or as some would call him Mean Dad!) - a father who responded to his 9-year-old daughter asking him to make her some lunch by telling her to go open a can of baked beans. Alas, though 9 is but a tender young age, he expected her to use a can opener to get at her own lunch.

    He gave her the handheld device and a fresh can of baked beans and told her to figure it out herself. This went on for something like six hours while Dad attempted to provide all the information Girl needed to do the thing herself, but not the help to actually do it. He resolved that neither of them would eat a bite until she could figure out how to open the can.

    Frustration grew into exhaustion, which spun off into boredom, but eventually, she plied him with enough questions that defied her best version of logic. Dad - admitting his original sin of never having taught her how to use the can opener - agreed that the gadget was well designed but terrible in user-interface and intuitiveness. He watched with keen interest as Girl finally realized that every part of this lowly tool was useful and none were superfluous.

    Finally, the scarred, label-ripped, embattled tin can got caught in the pinching clamp of the opener's jaws and she squeezed the handles enough to get a bite into the top. A bit of bean juice squeezed out, signaling they were finally getting somewhere! By then, both Dad and Girl were lip-biting as Girl cranked the opener until it traveled around the circle of the rim and finally freed the congealed beans.

    Next, she would need to learn how to turn on the stove!

    Social media, being what it is - part Christians vs. lions, part back-seat-driver, there came a torrent of comments, admonitions, ridicule and (because it is the internet) death threats. Dad struggled to explain himself. As a podcaster, musician, and a citizen of the Twitterverse, he trafficked in snarky comments, witty insults, and oblique observations. He defended his actions, protested those who said he was abusive, and spent the better part of the day struggling to put his own worms back into the can which he had opened.

    As a child who learned how to cook early in life (it was either that or yard work on a Saturday afternoon, so I took to the kitchen!), the idea of "not knowing" how to use a can opener, or a measuring cup, or the oven was completely foreign to me. Until I was old enough to use the things myself, I was able to observe my parents or older relatives doing those things. Then when it came time for me to do them, I only had to master my personal technique.

    I don't blame Dad completely for his actions. I had sometimes resorted to tactics like this when my kids were young, though I didn't keep them from lunch in order to do it. When parenting, life gives many opportunities for the creative adult to demonstrate the lessons that would be lost in the telling. For most children, to learn by doing is to learn it best.

    Where Dad failed Girl first is by allowing her to reach the age of 9 never having seen another person wielding a can opener in the first place. Had she been sheltered from the gritty realities of life in the kitchen? Did she have her nose glued to a screen such that she never saw this particular tool in use? Couldn't she have made a peanut butter sandwich?

    I can see this scenario playing out in kitchens across this country - children unaware of the simplest tool or gadget simply because they never asked and no one bothered to tell them, parents too exhausted by work or chores to explain anything worthwhile. There are many missed opportunities there. I have known adults who preferred to do all the work themselves so that their children didn't have to, or because they were afraid it wouldn't get done properly. Ultimately, the adults were exhausted from doing everything and the children were bored from doing nothing. The solution here is to start the teaching from a very young age. My children learned how to use a knife by cutting hot dogs with a butter knife. They washed vegetables, peeled carrots, and smashed potatoes until they were experienced enough to do the next thing. 

    We expect children to learn complex subjects like science and math and grammar but they must also learn the simple things in order to succeed in life, or at least to get by. If there's a kid in your life, call them into the kitchen and teach them how to make something -- anything! English muffin mini pizza with jarred sauce and cheese, beanie weenies with sliced hotdogs and canned beans, or quesadillas with flour tortillas and cheese. Next thing you know, they'll be making your lunch on a Saturday afternoon!